HOW TO COOK A TURKEY

So the day has come. A day I thought I would never live to see as a man. Today, Thanksgiving day, I get to cook my own turkey. Pray for me.

Actually, I think I'll be fine. Note to all cooking-challenged men: Here are the detailed instructions, courtesy of my amazing wife, for how to cook a turkey (minus item #10, a bonus just for yours truly--thanks honey!) So, while she finishes work today at her new job (which explains why I'm cooking the turkey) and joins me in a few hours for thanksgiving dinner (just the two of us here in Chattanooga), I'm excited and ready to pull off a Betty Crocker in the kitchen. Football on the tube will provide the extra motivation.

There's a first for everything. Now excuse me, I have to rinse the bird!

1) Take wrapper off turkey and note how many pounds it is and how long the
directions say to cook it at what particular temperature. The turkey can't
be frozen when you put it in the oven and the oven should be turned on to
pre-heat for about 20 minutes before you put the turkey in.
2)Put a tablespoon of flour in the oven roasting bag and set aside
3) Take the neck and giblets out of the turkey and throw away.
4) Rinse the turkey inside and out with water
5) Cover the turkey with oil and salt
6) Put it in the oven bag with breast side up (you will see a red plastic
knob on top. It pops out when the turkey is done)
7) Tie the bag with the special ties in the box.
8) Put it in the oven and bake for the specified amount of time.
9) Pat yourself on the back for cooking the thanksgiving turkey. :)
10) Act like your wife is kissing you passionately with pride (and videotape it so she can see)

Update: It was a success! The meat was actually so tender it was falling off the bones. It was juicy too. In Noelle's own words, "This turkey kicks butt!"