You Gotta Believe!

Three weeks ago I was shoveling in the back yard, digging holes to plant a vegetable garden. Needless to say, this has become one expensive garden. See, I have a back condition. Diagnosed in 1996 as a herniated disc of the lower spine--L4/L5 area. I should know better right? No problem, I've had many short episodes of pain after playing sports, and have managed to get back after proper exercises and stretching. It usually goes away after a few days. Manly ego on this glorious Sunday had to have its way. About 45 minutes into shoveling rock and dirt, I felt that old familiar vertebra shift inside, bam!...and I was done.

I knew that I would have to take it easy for a few days, stretch a lot, rest, pop a couple Advil and life would be back to normal again.

Wrong.

As this episode worsened, it felt a lot like the last really bad episode from 2005. That episode landed me in ER, and on disability for three weeks, having to recuperate under the care of my parents at their home. The doctor then said my back went out due to overwhelming stress. Another story for another time.

Four days after my back went out from shoveling, I could no longer walk. The inflammation and constant muscle spasms intensified to the point that my only option was laying on my back to relieve the excruciating, hellish, pain. Sleeping could only be done on my side. When I had to go, I relieved myself into a plastic pitcher by my bed. Luckily, going "#2" never happened. The spasmodic condition kept it all locked up inside. Otherwise, I would've had to humble myself to a bed pan (the metal receptacle you poop in when totally incapacitated, yes, that).

I finally resorted to heavy duty pain management and got myself into a clinic for a steroid epidural injection. Three days later, with the additional help of 800mg of muscle relaxants and 800mg of Ibuprofen every six hours, I could get around on crutches, and now I'm walking almost normal again (minus the good stuff!). I'm praying that I'm healed completely after the shot wears off. That's the plan anyway.

But the best thing that has happened from this episode is an undeniable spiritual confirmation. Something I already was aware of, but needed a shake up, literally (of my back!) to really "get it." When you're horizontal staring at white ceiling for two weeks, and the TV has become background noise, you get to think and pray a lot. And when your appointment calendar is limited to 72" x 84" of mattress space, it's a lot easier to book God. I think this time He actually invited Himself over for a few chats.

You see, my life coaching and training practice is now well into year two. Before I started my practice and was going through the certification and training process, my foundation for wanting to start a practice was built on years of personal and spiritual development after being saved in 1998. For several years following my new allegiance to Christ, I prayed constantly for the transformation by the "renewal of the mind," that God would allow me to view the world, and especially women and relationships through his shades. Pride, lust, selfishness, perfectionism, deception, arrogance, manipulation and other unhealthy and despicable male behaviors were finally conquered as victory was achieved by the grace of God. Many more years of discipleship training, spiritual formation and other Holy Spirit-led trials-by-fire clinched it for me: I knew God had gifted me to lead, mentor and counsel men to live authentically, stay accountable to Biblical teachings, purity, and serve a higher purpose. Flash forward to two years ago, and even my amazing and prophetic wife clearly knew that because of the work that I had done for a decade, my life coaching niche was going to be working with men in helping them with the same issues I struggled with, like integrity, sexual purity, and finally leading a life of spiritual growth.

I had initially crafted my marketing materials and website to reflect that niche. Then I got immersed in the networking culture locally, mostly joining chapters and associations where business owners get together at events, schmooze, exchange referrals, do their sales pitches, and for the highly proactive like me, schedule endless one-on-one meetings at local coffee shops. All this with the intention of landing business, of course. Where did I get off track? My background is organizational development and human resources. Naturally, this is a coaching area of need for people in business who lack the capacity or skills in my areas of expertise. I thought I had finally arrived at a niche that I could deliver and make money on. It was perfect! I steamrolled ahead, crafting all my sales pitches, 60-second speeches, marketing flyers, short presentations, and even website copy text to reflect organizational coaching and H.R. consulting for the small business owner or corporate client. The niche that my wife and I had agreed was the best fit for my coaching practice two years earlier--the very niche that I felt was heavenly inspired, commissioned by God to fit my gifts as a spiritual leader--was put in the back burner while I sniffed and followed the aroma of potentially more money, bigger fees and the prestige of working with business clientele.

It's never quite come to fruition. I've given business coaching a try for over a year, and have never felt truly comfortable with it. It is something I am very capable to do. It is something I am not called to do.

A few days ago, while still recovering from my back injury, I was in a conference call as part of my advanced coaching training class, and one of my classmates was tasked with coaching me using a real life scenario. So I told her I'd like to work on refining my niche and really narrow in on my future business clientele. After probing and asking the right questions as all good coaches do, she pinned me down on what I am truly passionate about. I told her that it's working with men and spirituality, calling them to higher spiritual and Biblical standards of living, leading, and loving. What?? Where did that come from?? She then asked if that was my focus now, and that's when it hit home. I have never truly answered the call that God gave me, and that my wife confirmed, two years ago.

Feeling ever more clear that the original plan was always the right one, and that I had never honored God with that vision because of my lack of belief, I went ahead and changed my website and all the copy text descriptors and areas of concentration. What had looked before like it appealed to business clients trying to get an edge in their operations, H.R. processes, hiring solutions, etc., is now gone in one swift flash of Godly confirmation. But this purging of a false direction was no small feat, folks. When you're so convinced that your will is heading down the right path as you blaze through life, and all systems appear "go" by your lonesome perception, sometimes God needs to put you on your back to remind you of the original blueprint. Drive and ambition, when gone unchecked, will trump spirit and truth, and sabotage the God plan.

I still wanted to cling on to that part of me that has closely masterminded my own direction for two years. I rigged that scheme and crafted my trade to benefit what I felt was the right motive, based on an instinct for more income. To now be asked to remove that and overhaul the focus, well, was like asking to sever a thumb.

Two days ago, I bent down and felt another pop in my back. Disgruntled at God and thinking the worse again after almost a full recovery, I went back to bed disillusioned. God, how can you do this to me?? Two hours later, the phone rings. A director of the local Adventist conference office calls me up and books me for a men's retreat in October. I will be a keynote speaker doing workshops on topics of Biblical integrity for 80 Christian men. I hung up and sat here, dumbfounded, in awe of how God works. It hasn't even been a few days since I switched back to BELIEVING in the original plan.....and He gives me one substantial booking, just in case I had any doubt! I could not stop praising Him. Not to mention apologizing for blaming Him for the last pop in my back (the pain has mostly gone away as of this writing).

I never believed the call two years ago. God was on the other line, and I hung up and went to do things my way. Staring at the ceiling for two weeks will lead you to believe again.

I don't wish for your back to go out. But perhaps you, too, friend, need a bed and a white ceiling to stare at...

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If you'd like to see what God's final confirmation looks like, visit my website to see the new look and the call back to the original focus.